TRST_Blog

Do you ever feel pressed to do more? To be more?

I've been feeling the squeeze lately. No one has told me to try to reinvent myself, forced their agenda upon me, or even silently judged me for not disturbing my status quo. I know that it is something internal that makes me want to do more than I am now. I know that.

It is a hunger that's slowly developed, now I'm dealing with its pangs. I'm twisted up, trying to do more, to push myself professionally and creatively to my limit. The world around me seems to drip with possibility, but I feel unable to move quickly enough to savour even just one drop.

I figure there's no better time then now to see what I am capable of achieving. Yet despite all of that drive I feel more confused and unsteady than I ever have. I settled comfortably into this groove, this well trodden path and I am blind to the work it took to arrive here. Pushing out of my protective little nest zaps my lizard brain into a flurry.

“Think of what you will be risking,” it whispers. “What if you’re no better off after this flight of fancy? What then?”

Gulp.

It only makes things worse when I start to hear that tiny violin playing in the background: a working stiff with secure-ish income, a stable family life and the blessing to be able consider their own potential, when so many others are struggling to live, full stop. Should I focus on helping others instead? Shouldn’t I just be grateful to be able to stand at this height?

But, I am grateful to be here. I am already working my socks off to make sure those around me have the support they deserve. I donate time to charities, heck, I devoted my career thus far to helping the community. If I work hard, can’t I have both?

There it is. The voice, the echo from the deep recesses of my flaming, floating, non-corporeal mind, telling me that this isn't a real problem. I want to be better for the right reasons, I know it. So why not now? If I can get to grips with my own fears, and I still plan to do right by those around me, to stick to my values, then why shouldn’t I dare to poke my head, even just a little, above the clouds?

I am beginning to toe my way towards the line, with the mental weight of an elephant squeezing my every fibre. This is the cost of growth and I am finally mature enough to begin paying it. I just hope I’m strong enough to put forward more than the monthly minimum.

(Nearly) every morning, I'm making it my goal to clean out all the stories that I've had on my reading list and pick a few that paint together well. Today, I've been pretty keen on diving deep into Quartz’s coverage of Goop, women and wellness. Consider this a follow on to my commentary of this article: We Have Found the Cure! (Sort of...)

Women and Wellness

It’s easy to laugh at the dubious claims of the wellness industrial complex, and reasonable to worry about the health risks involved. But the forces behind the rise of oxygen bars and detox diets are worth taking seriously—because the success of the wellness industry is a direct response to a mainstream medical establishment that frequently dismisses and dehumanizes women. … But it’s important to remember that the dollars we drop on salt lamps and Moon Dust aren’t the same thing as agitating for change—and that retreating into wellness is only an option for the privileged set.

Everyone could look at this and safely laugh at how silly some of the people involved seem, but all behaviour is communication. What’s abundantly clear, is people (mostly affluent whites it seems) are telling the world that there is an underlying need in their lives: a need to be heard, a need to feel better and a need to feel connected. We just so happen to live in a time where those “needs” are no longer directly coupled to biological needs.

Perhaps, that’s where all the eye-rolling comes from, the internal voice that says, “Look at those rich weirdos. How unnecessary.” Yet it’s hard to listen to these accounts and not understand the meaning behind their words seriously. This may be a problem for the affluent, but as modern society flexes and changes its shape, more problems like these will arise. And, I imagine, the privileged will serve as a leading indicator to the strange world us muggles may occupy in the near future.

Goop Summit 2017: Inside the Wellness Industrial Complex

How can you tell a people believe in something? They invest.

Wellness, you see, is not simply a state of being. Wellness—according to Paltrow’s doctors and disciples—is a journey, a process, an aspiration, and, increasingly, a business.

How can you tell people are captivated by an idea? Or, beginning to identify with a narrative? They create a fierce community. They become the stepping stones of a movement.

“You don’t fuck with this group!” yelled Paltrow, to resounding cheers afterward.

Infowars and Goop sell the same exact pseudoscientific "wellness" products

Consider this the chaser.

I’d love to hear your thoughts via Twitter: Where do you think all this smoke surrounding wellness, particularly as a modern narrative, points towards? Where's the fire?

(Nearly) every morning, I'm making it my goal to clean out all the stories that I've had on my reading list and pick a few that paint together well. Here's what I came up with today:

Owning up to Your Ignorance by Saying “I Don’t Know”

I’m in the “I don’t know” camp. Freedom to explore the unknown has to come from admitting where you stand relative to the problem. How can you be creative when you “know” everything? How can you open up the space to do your most daring work if you are focused on closing the gaps in your public facing, confident emotional armour?

Maryam Mirzakhani Is First Woman Fields Medalist

“She had a sort of daring imagination,” recalled McMullen, a 1998 Fields medalist. “She would formulate in her mind an imaginary picture of what must be going on, then come to my office and describe it. At the end, she would turn to me and say, ‘Is it right?’ I was always very flattered that she thought I would know.”

See that first sentence? I would die a happy people-thing to have a description like that applied to my life. An incredible brilliance, realised through prose in a way that is lighting my mental fire this morning.

What I learned from my Biggest Mistake by F1 Engineer Andrew Latham

This sentence stuck out at me:

Create a culture that can extract the absolute maximum from these accidents, not one that hides them away and makes sure they don’t happen again.

Within the modern “ship-it; fail fast” mentality, there seem to be glints of this wisdom. That said, I think the comparison falls away after reading this:

Don’t start to solve a problem by employing a current solution or way of working – try and understand what outcomes need to be achieved, then work backwards from there.

There’s plenty of room for imaginative leaps, especially if you are only guided by a few simple outcomes. Meshes well with the humble wisdom of Maryam Mirzakhani above.

(Nearly) every morning, I'm making it my goal to clean out all the stories that I've had on my reading list and pick a few that paint together well. Here's what I came up with today:

 The history of calling artists “sellouts.” 

The idea of being a “sell-out” was unthinkable during my childhood; then again, media was nowhere near as pervasive as it is today. Everyone is a brand. Everyone is selling something. When everyone is ”selling out”, perhaps it's time to retire the term and instead make fun of those, like me, who cannot grasp the new normal.

Also, can we talk about how annoying it is when a publication automatically shifts your URL to the next story. The infinite scroll mechanics of some modern publishers is a horrible user experience (UX) pattern. I get that more stories need to be tracked and time on site is important for the bottom line but I can't even tell where I am any more, let alone how to get back later, when you forcefully push a URL history update to my browser as I am nearing the end of an article. I'm looking at you Slate and Quartz (two publications which I otherwise enjoy, in case you're keeping score).

 The Inside Story Of SoundCloud's Collapse 

Tragic. Founder seems like he's crested his “thought leadership” and the leadership of the company seems to have forgotten the cardinal rule: Know thyself (Wikipedia).

 Tyler, the Creator on “Flower Boy” Seems to Come Out of the Closet 

It is a hard sell to come to any conclusion based on art and performance alone, but the to-ing and fro-ing of Spencer Kornhaber’s writing feels appropriate here. The article's build up naturally reflects the turbid process of struggling with identity for any person with a non-heteronormative sexual identity.

As an aside: I'm of a few minds when it comes to the intersection between performance, identity and language. Obviously, Tyler’s previous behaviour and choice of language signal a true violence to already struggling voices, this should not be forgotten. Choice of language important. While the meaning of words is fluid, each embodies additional cultural undertones to whomever engages with them, or plays them back in this case. Perhaps, that is not fair, given how widely media is consumed today (let alone in the distant future; consider this recent snippet on the Late Marshall McLuhen as food for thought) but the fact of the matter is he is surely aware of the current cultural landscape. Subverting the all-to-rigid notion of sexuality is going to provoke a reaction, most of all, in this age of internet-enabled niche tribalism, among his Odd Future/Tyler the Creator fanbase—who I assume probably believe at least some of those messages.

Kornhaber caused me to consider that this group of young people may be as confused about the way to navigate the world as one of their most cherished icons is, which in itself is not so revelatory after all.